Machine learning classification on Indians: A hard problem

     Hi, I am a data scientist from the US who got a cool machine learning assistant named Jinni. Jinni is pretty cool. We have together solved many data science problems. Well, this blog won't be technical, it just a story how I tricked Jinni when he wanted a raise! Taking about Jinni job, I give out Jinni all my observations and he does some mathematical magic on it to get some really cool output which is kind of my job also. Jinni is good in many fields however he rocks in the classification task. Just to make sure we are on the same page classification is one kind of machine learning magic in which you give all observations to Jinni and Jinni categorize them into some defined group for example if I give observation of all kind of different pictures, Jinni can classify them into different groups like Pokemon, animal, chair, nose, forehead blah blah. Everything was going well and good until yesterday. Out of nowhere, Jinni wanted a promotion and a raise because he thought that he can classify and group almost anything, even dhinchak Pooja Musical Notes! Well, I can't afford to do that! So I gave him a challenge and told him if he is not able to solve it, he will still be my assistant forever and guess what, he accepted! So I gave him a challenge and the challenge was to.. Some devil background music. "To classify Indian people in best groups! The group which represents them and unite them the most"!! And he accepted! Ha ha.. *Evil Laugh* !

Picture credit: pbs.twimg.com

So, Jinni thought how hard could it be, India is known for its unity. India has a history where people have thrown all their difference out and helped each other and we know there is something which still binds us together. India, a country where we "use to" respected the diversity and felt proud of unity in diversity. Different groups enjoyed being different. Well, Jinni is from the US and he doesn't know the old India is not the same 21st Century India just like John Snow who doesn't know anything. Is it the same India? We Indians have divided our self among so many groups that it feels like we are just inventing new ways to distinguish and divide us from other. It's like a never ending loop! 

I explained him about the diversity and problem. I was not sure which criteria was the best to start but I assume global poor-rich class difference will be a good one to start. I told Jinni "our loop of division starts with the division on basis of poor and rich!" I saw a grin on his face and I continue because I know it was going to fade soon. "That's easy however then we have different kinds of rich and different kind of poor. Along with that, we also have the unclassified middle class like young "Kachi metti" player in childhood games who can change side whenever he wants! If Government is increasing taxes, the middle class calls them poor, if their son/daughter is getting married they jump to the rich category!" Jinni murmured "Wow! What a luxury! Ok! Does the chain of classification ends here?!". I laughed and said "No! Then we have "Language". Nowadays We are dividing our self on the basis of languages we speak. Well knowing the fact all came from the same "Sanskrit" as a source we love to wear the great false pride of language we speak that we undermine other person's mother language!" Jinni said "Ok, accepted, for one person his mother language is the best! Is this what finally makes them united in a group if they speak the same language?" 

"Hell No!" I continued "We have a very special quota for religion! We love division on basis of religion. The pitch and bass of loudspeaker decide whose god is more superior! The never ending war! And it's not like only different religious people claim their god is best, we again have different belief category among each religion also. and everyone is trying to save their god". "And I thought God was the one protecting us!" Jinni commented. 

Jinni grin was fading with each and every new meaningless group. Jinni said, "Well, religion thing is the final grouping criteria right ?". I started again "Yes! Sorry, I am kidding, there are more to come. This is where the twist from history comes in. Out of the nowhere, old historical sh*ty mind ideology of caste system jumps in! Yes, we are in the 21st century and still believe in old caste system. You use it to show you are a minority. You get special quota for that. You use it as a trump card to gain vote, admission, free trips, and no offense, caste marriages are still happening and it's not that only uneducated people are practicing it, high brains of India still follow this caste system." 

Jinni grin was gone and he realized my trap and challenge. I continued "If you are able to solve this much don't be exited we have education, gender, color, marital status, job status and many many more groups! We also have some funny group like beef-eater, non-beef eater! The latest new group invented! Where we kill the beef eater and exporter". "Are you serious! India is the largest exporter of beef"Jinni interrupted. "Yes, I know but we are little* hypocritical about that. We all are. People are ready to kill beef eating people but get offended when cruel practices like "Jallikatu" is proposed to be banned! The great beef vigilante! Adding to this...". "Stop it!" Jinni stood up and accepted his defeat. I laughed and said "There are still some more sub group if you are interested" and Jinni finally showed me his middle mouse and said "Go USB yourself!" and I got my assistant back!

On a serious note, I don't know how we have come this far, dividing our self on diversity. We are not united against corruption. Our sisters are getting raped, politicians are crushing us like insects, goons are more powerful than cops, and the reason is we simply don't care! It is easy to post a filthy comment on Facebook under a lady live video rather than taking a stand. And the reason why one can't take a stand is just because we are not united at all. If a person raises a voice, how many of you are coming out from their cozy house to take a stand with him. Newspapers are filled with murder of whistleblowers and we are somewhere responsible for their death also. They tried to take a stand for us? For us, who don't even care! Just think about it. Why would anyone want to take a risk for us? What if we don't have anyone questioning for us. And if they have the guts to do that, why can't we stand together with them?

India has a potential to become the best place but I am not sure how we can do well if we still focus on fighting for so minor issue. India needs to be united. Can we be united again? And I am sure Facebook likes, share and comments are not going to help bring India to a new level. Unity is dying however this doesn't mean we never come together as a group, we do! India-Pakistan match brings us together, Snap chat CEO Hoax brings us together, trolling people on twitter bring us together however it won't help India. We just need to unite once again against rape, poverty, corruption and all the stigma of the society! We need to stop dividing and learn new ways to unite ourself. We need to take a stand and say SRK famous Chak de India dialogue.

" Mujhe states ke naam na sunai dete hai na dikhai dete hai ... sirf ek mulk ka naam sunai deta hai I-N-D-I-A"

 "Sirf ek naam aana chahiye Yaar! We are I-N-D-I-A!"

The question still remains which group do we feel we can be part of?